Beneath the Burn by Pam Godwin

Author:Pam Godwin [Godwin, Pam]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pam Godwin
Published: 2013-08-01T04:00:00+00:00

49

Charlee choked on the foreboding atmosphere, waiting for Jay to begin his questioning.

“I’m surprised and relieved that you’re willing to be intimate with me after…what you survived.”

She tensed against him. Where anyone else might’ve feared to step, he went rushing in.

He watched her closely, caution gripping his voice. “Your sessions, your openness, whatever it is you’re doing, it works. I should take lessons from you.”

The sudden image of him dominating her in a dungeon sent bolts of excitement through her body. “You shouldn’t be surprised. I don’t know what you survived, but I recognized the pain eating at you the night we met. I suspect your abuser wasn’t so different from mine. Yet, here you are, willing to be intimate.”

Without so much as a nonverbal acknowledgement, he held her through a comfortable silence. Eventually, he stirred, kissing her bottom lip. “I know it’s unfair to ask you to answer my questions and not answer yours. For now, let’s stay focused on you, on what happened between us, okay?”

She nodded. “For now.”

“I’m trying to wrap my head around your sessions. It would make more sense if you were the one with the whip. A submissive position seems like the last thing you’d want.”

His gaze turned introspective and she kept quiet to see what he’d come up with.

“I think you need the pain,” he murmured.

Her throat tightened. Of course, he was right, but hearing it voiced made her want to shove him. “No. That’s not—”

“No? Charlee, the harder I pounded you, the wetter you got.” His timbre remained soft despite the punch of his words.

“The pain helps me focus. It’s just…”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. And as soon as we both grasp what it means, and accept it, we can figure out how to make it work. Help me understand. Tell me why you aren’t doing the dominating to take back what Roy took from you?”

“I don’t know. It’s not like I have a handbook telling me what to do. I just go with what feels right for me. And it may seem like I’m yielding, but I’m not. I can stop it when I want. If I topped you—”

His eyes narrowed.

“You would have the control. You could say stop, and I would have to concede.”

“Did this kind of thing appeal to you before you met Roy?”

“I wouldn’t know. I was sixteen when he got me the first time.”

His body turned to stone beneath her and his hands balled into fists.

“No punching the bathroom wall.” She tapped his tense lips until they slacked.

“How did he get you?”

“Craig had a gambling addiction. Owed a lot of money to a lot of people. Most of his debt was owed to Roy Oxford.”

“And you didn’t have a mom.”

“Nope.”

He closed his eyes and opened them just as slowly. “You and I have lived equally lonely lives. I wish we would’ve had each other growing up.”

A light, hazy feeling drifted through her. He would’ve protected her, cherished her…loved her when no one else did.

“What happened?”

The dreamy sensation evaporated, leaving the heavy burden of reality.

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